Basecamp for Men E333: Men and Personal Growth

E333: Men and Personal Growth w Special Guest Joshua Aranda

 

E333 Introduction

There is something really sweet for me whenever I get to chat with a younger man who is doing and leading menswork and men’s groups. The conversation is always authentic and real and, even though we have gone over many of the themes that are central to the challenges that men face on this show, it always seems fresh and relevant and alive.

Today’s conversation is no exception. My guest and I tackle all sorts of things that are relevant to men and those that love them. We talk about the importance of getting out of your comfort zone (and what happens when you don’t). We cover male initiation and ask ourselves (and you dear listener): how do you know when life’s inevitable initiations are enough or when you need accelerated growth? And if you are looking for accelerated growth, what does that look like?

We also cover the perception that all men’s groups are weird, soft, or religious. Do men’s groups have to be these things? We talk about male loneliness and how widespread and important it is as a teacher. And lastly, we talk about male role models and how it takes more than just the father to teach a boy how to be a man. It requires the friends, uncles, elders, and community to help the young man fully arrive at manhood.

I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Two men sitting around the fire speaking truth about what men are really facing and how we support one another. Enjoy the episode!

Joshua Aranda Bio

My guest today is Joshua Aranda. Joshua is a father, an executive coach, and an ultra-endurance athlete. He is also the CEO and co-founder of Mission Matters Group, a consulting agency dedicated to transforming and optimizing operations for nonprofit organizations.

Basecamp for Men E103: Freeing Yourself from “Niceness”

E103:Freeing Yourself from “Niceness” with Special Guest James Rapson

 

E103 Introduction

One of the common things I see men struggle with is how do you break out of this people pleasing fixation. It is the curse of Nice Guys and Nice Girls. You always need to be getting your approval and validation “over there”. It seems that, if this was a strategy we used as children, unaddressed, this coping pattern will continue to assert itself, showing us in spades that simply pleasing others with our niceness is an insufficient strategy if we are to navigate  our lives in more heroic and authentic ways.

I used to be a full on people-pleaser. No shit. Many from my past might remember this side of me.  A Nice Guy. UGH!! Now I see that it was all part of my development as a man. I needed to outgrow this immature, validation-seeking part of myself. And I had many teachers along the way. Particularly when I got involved with the Mankind Project.

I remember when I first got initiated by MKP and attending my very first men’s wisdom councils. I couldn‘t believe how these guys spoke to one another. There was a rough-and-tumble honesty among the men and complete disregard for being nicey-nice.  These men commanded respect with their truthfulness and authenticity.

It wasn’t that these men were just being assholes, although sometimes this happened when a man was triggered. It’s that they had a freedom of expression that was not bound by the Nice Guy mold. I  would use these chapters in my life to grow past the old Happy-Go-Lucky Nice Boy that was such a dominant part of my young adult life. The Warrior archetype would finish him off in my forties as my inner strength as a man grew.

I still know many men that are hemmed in by incessant people-pleasing. It‘s widespread. My guest today wrote a book and knows a lot about this topic. I’m looking forward to dialoguing with him.

James Rapson Bio

James Rapson has been an innovator in the field of personal and professional development for over 20 years. A former psychotherapist, his focus is now on training and coaching. He is an internationally-published author and a nationally-recognized speaker and workshop leader.

And he co-authored the book Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice with long-time friend and collaborator Craig English. Here is my interview with James Rapson.

E103 Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed our time with James as much as I did. To find James and his book, go to www.jamesrapson.com