Basecamp for Men E5: Breaking Open the Man Box

E5: Breaking Open the Man Box

with Mark Greene and Tony Rezac

 

E5 Introduction

The man box. This is the culture of masculinity we were all trained in. The hyper-competitive “tough guy” who doesn’t express himself well and uses status and sexual conquests to validate himself. Add to that the ridicule and sarcasm that “real men” use to keep women, children, and other men in their place and you have the start of the toxic man box that everyone is talking about.

Join Tony and author and thought-leader Mark Greene as we open up and deconstruct the training we all receive and how men can set aside the limiting beliefs about manhood that come from this constraining model of masculinity.

Mark Greene writes, speaks, coaches and consults on the challenges we face as men raised in man box culture. He is the author of the groundbreaking The Little #MeToo Book for Men.

As a co-founder of ThinkPlay Partners and as a Senior Editor for the Good Men Project, Greene has spent over a decade as a writer and speaker, deconstructing our binary-riddled dialogues around manhood and masculinity. He is uniquely positioned to help men, individually and in organizations, create a healthier vision of masculine culture and identity.

 

 

Basecamp for Men E4. The Secret Lives of Men

 E4: The Secret Lives of Men with Special Guest Benjamin Seaman

 

E4 Introduction-

“Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh, and the greatness which does not bow before children.”

Kahlil Gibran

I was recently thinking about the men I admire most. I noticed that these men are, without exception, VERY emotionally intelligent.

For men, it’s one of our little secrets: we are emotionally intelligent and we read our emotional environments with great skill. Women and the culture at large pretend that we don’t know how to do

this. And we nod and go along with the “men are emotional dummies” assessment.

This whole notion that women are more emotionally intelligent because they TALK about their emotions so much is a shaky assumption. If you were in a group of people having a discussion, would you automatically assume that the one
 who talks the most is the most intelligent? Yet we assume that just because women talk more of their feelings that they somehow “get it” more clearly than men do.

This is not a knock on women or how theyprocess their feelings. I love women. I just take exception to the assumption that the more you talk, the more you know. It’s just not been my experience of this.

It’s true that men can be emotionally unavailable. We can “tune-out” and be emotionally unresponsive. It can be a coping mechanism
 when we feel overwhelmed. But it’s a mistake to assume that we are not intelligent in our emotional expressions.

As men, it is not our way to be constantly talking about how we feel. It is just not how we roll. However, we do know how to read the emotional vibe of a room…we are especially good at reading other men…we know when our women are scared or unhappy…so can we please stop pretending that men don’t “get” emotions?

I teach and learn in men’s groups. We get together once a week to work on all the things
 that are most important to men. Raising emotional awareness is one of the big pieces that we
 learn. But here’s the thing: many of the men show up with a fairly high level of emotional intelligence to START with. We just help them grow their mastery and learn some of the more subtle aspects of emotional awareness.

In our quest to become more emotionally intelligent, we come to know the five basic emotions: joy, anger, fear, grief, and shame. There are subtleties and other emotions (excitement, distress, etc.). However, in working to know and understand the basic five, a man can significantly improve his understanding of how these emotions show up, both in himself and others.

What’s the point of growing our emotional intelligence? Well, for starters, it makes us
 smarter. It’s true. That’s why they call it emotional intelligence.

Another reason is that it makes you a more skillful communicator. You can speak to and from the emotional undertones in a conversation. This gives you more power in almost every situation.

And by growing your emotional intelligence, you’ll get more expressive. This gives you a charisma that you don’t have access to by staying with your current emotional range and depth.

And your kids will learn greater emotional range and authenticity. They’ll come to value emotional expression and they’ll apply it to all sorts of situations, to their benefit.

And you’ll get laid more. No shit. By raising your emotional game and becoming more expressive and charismatic, men and women will find you more sexually irresistible.

In short, there is not a situation I can think of where greater emotional range and skill is not an advantage to you as a man. It makes you a better lover, a better father, a better son, a better friend.

In particular, men get emotionally smarter when they can claim their joy, sadness, and shame. These are the three emotions that can easily hide in the shadows for men.

Ben Seaman Bio-

Benjamin Seaman is a psychotherapist who has been practicing in NYC for 20 years specializing in couples and emotional literacy for men of all backgrounds. He has appeared in print, TV and radio outlets on various self-help issues. Mr. Seaman was co-director of an annual spiritual retreat for men from 2005-2017, and continues to offer workshops on creativity, relationships, and other personal growth topics. You can read about his practice at benjaminseaman.com.

E4 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed my interview with Ben Seaman. I loved what he said about how men typically will have two emotional responses- One, I’m fine and two, I’m pissed. I think that is where many men reside and one of the big reasons why things like therapy and men’s work are so valuable: they give men more awareness of their natural emotional spectrum and more variety in their expression.

Another thing that stood out to me was how Ben has noticed that men in other countries and other cultures will get together in groups to have adventures, share stories and insights and laughter. American men, cultured as we are to go it alone, miss out on this brotherhood that seems to exist everywhere else but here.

 

Basecamp for Men E3: Know Your Mission

E3: Know Your Mission with Special Guest Dr. Bob Beare

 

E3 Introduction-

“Your mission is your priority. Unless you know your mission and have aligned your life to it, your core will feel empty.”

David Deida, author and teacher

Nothing in life is quite so invigorating for men as living a purpose driven life. When a man’s internal compass is oriented towards a mission that excite him, he is accessing powerful masculine energies. These energies are called to the man and resonate within the man. He is, in every sense, in alignment.

And let’s face it, society sells a monotonous vision of masculinity: get a job, save and provide well for your family, try to take care of yourself, etc. It’s an uninspiring vision……and it creates men that play it too safe.

Join us for a lively discussion with Dr. Bob Beare as we talk about mission and purpose, men and their development, and golf!

Dr. Bob Beare Bio-

Dr. Beare is an industrial/organizational psychologist and has been a clinical psychotherapist and executive coach for over 20 years, working with individuals, couples, families, leaders, and organizations. He was a long-time instructor at the C. G. Jung Center in Houston and a certified leader with the ManKind Project International where he led more than 85 of MKP’s New Warrior Trainings.

Bob is also the founder of The Brave Heart Experience, an intensive 2 1/2 day workshop for men, women, leaders, and people in recovery who are ready to dive deeply into self-empowerment.

“There is no moment more satisfying than to watch a person discard the negative messages they have been carrying for so long…and choose to live boldly and authentically”

Bob Beare, Ph.D.

Basecamp for Men E2: Men and the Hero’s Journey

E2: Men and the Hero’s Journey with Special Guest Mark Jackson

E2 Introduction

I absolutely love the myth of the Hero’s Journey and I use it all the time. Joseph Campbell called it the great mono-myth as it was present at all times in all cultures. It has been with us as long as we’ve been here. Myths speak the universal language of the heart and so are not dependent on a particular religion or way of thinking. As you read and then interact with this myth, it teaches you deep truths about what it means to be human, what it means to be a man, and what direction we need to go to do our part to help the world and its people.

What is this myth trying to teach us? For one thing, it’s teaching us that we need to be courageous every day. We need to be vigilant and discerning about our habits so that we don’t find ourselves just going through the motions of our lives.

When you start to live more mythically, you start to get more connected to the heart. You get more connected to the Divine and to a personal destiny. You feel connected to something greater than yourself and pulled out of your comfort zone. It feels exhilarating and enlivening. The more you say yes to this myth, the more clearly you will be shown your unique road. That is how it works.

Men, your comfort zone is your enemy. I hate to tell you that but it’s true. I know we all love to be comfortable but it will kill your chances of looking back on your life and honestly saying that you lived courageously. Our tendency is to think that the Hero’s Journey is only for these sort of epic historic figures like Gandhi, Dr. King, Mother Teresa. We rarely suspect that the archetypal hero in the story of our lives is us. Isn’t that interesting? Carol Pearson is a great writer and teacher of the Hero’s Journey and I hope to have her on the show soon.

Here’s how she describes the Hero’s Journey. And I quote,

“As you go on a quest to find greater vitality and life for yourself, you also seek answers that contribute to a collective transformation. In fact, anytime you identify a wasteland element in your life such as illness, boredom, lethargy, alienation, emptiness, loss, addiction, failure, anger or outrage, it is time to take a journey. You can be called to quest by such dissatisfaction or simply by a desire for adventure. The journey will inevitably transform you.” And then she goes on to say,

“Heroes are agents of change. The hero’s task has always been to bring new life to an ailing culture. So here you can see that you can be called out onto a new path by a sense of adventure or a sense of loss or boredom or even addiction. All can be seen as a call to the hero’s journey when viewed from this great mono-myth. When you step out onto a new path, it signals that the hero is leaving base camp and the world starts to shift and shape to the new reality. Change is afoot.”

And before get to our interview, I’d like to read you just one last quote.

I love this quote because it kind of perfectly captures the spirit of the Hero’s Journey.

“I have always known that at last, I would take this road, but yesterday I did not know it would be today.”

                                        Narithra

Mark Jackson Bio

Mark Jackson is long-time actor and artist and is the film editor for the Epoch Times newspaper, which is read all over the world. Mark is dedicated to his meditation and spiritual practice, Falun Dafa, which is a form of Chi Gung. In his spare time, Mark loves to take long rides on his Harley.

Here is my interview with Mark Jackson.

Final Thoughts-

That’s our show for today, men. Remember that the story of your life is not yet all told. I’m Tony Rezac and thank you for listening to Basecamp for Men.

 

 

Basecamp for Men E1: The Importance of Male Initiation

E1:The Importance of Male Initiation with

Special Guest Jon Wilson

 

E1 Introduction

Hello everyone.

My name is Tony Rezac and I’m the creator and host of Basecamp for Men. I have grown up inside of what has been called the men’s movement or men’s work for short. It is my mission and privilege to assist men in whatever way I can. Whether it’s writing, teaching a workshop, or running a men’s group, I seek to expand the conversation that men and women are having about what is healthy masculinity and what are the tools we can use to get there.

Collectively, men are showing much wear and tear. There is widespread depression, suicide, violence, and incarceration among the male tribe. When men do get in trouble emotionally, he will invariably feel that he has nowhere to turn, literally. We need to forge a new version of masculinity, you and I. I know a few things that will help get us there and you might know too. And our guests will bring much wisdom and insights to the show.

This podcast is meant to be a conversation about men, yet my hope is that women will find it insightful as well. I hope the women that listen will come away with a better understanding of the men in their lives; their partners, their sons, their fathers, & their friends. And I think it’s important that women know that the male community has identified some of our most important issues and that we are creatively working on them as a collective. Women need courageous men in their lives. Men who are willing to look honestly at themselves and speak truthfully and authentically about what is happening.

On a personal note, I’m a sucker for narrative building and I love myth to do that. Every man that has ever been in a men’s circle with me knows that I’m fond of the hero’s journey. My hope is that as we unpack the important issues that men are facing, the listener, whether man or woman will come to see themselves in the stories that we tell.

The Hero’s journey is, after all, both an individual as well as a collective awakening. It’s about you and it’s about us. So welcome to Basecamp for Men. You bring yourself and we’ll bring the stories and resources for a more courageous life.

And here’s our first show.

Jon Wilson Bio-

Jon Wilson is a leader among men and has staffed and lead over 50 Mankind Project’s New Warrior training adventures. Jon finished getting his Masters degree in Social Work in 2017 & now works as a clinician in the Mental Health industry.

Here is my interview with Jon Wilson.