Basecamp for Men E19: Conversations About Men

E19: Conversations About Men with Tony Rezac

 

E19 Introduction

Hello readers and listeners-

This week’s episode is a flip of our usual format. Instead of Tony hosting, he is a guest on the radio show  Story U in Seattle with host Debbie Handrich. Tony and Debby cover how Tony got started on all this “men’s stuff” as well as living with a Divine purpose. They cover the power of authenticity and being comfortable in your own skin.

They also dialogue about Tony’s sobriety (he has been sober for more than six years) and how he credits his sobriety with his ability to write and create.

Don’t miss this unique episode as Debby and Tony talk about Basecamp for Men and what men and women can get out of listening to this show.

Basecamp for Men E18: Embracing Challenges

E18: Embracing Challenges with Special Guest Tania Poletti

 

E18 Introduction

One of the things I really enjoy about doing this show is the variety of guests that I get to talk to. I just love it. And I have found that the best way to line them up is to let them come to me in a natural way. I may read a book and want to speak with the author, or I will come across a teacher that I want listeners to know about.

Or maybe a listener or friend will recommend someone to interview. It’s fun to have a name pop up on my radar and then a week or two later, I am speaking with them and making an episode. It gives the show an organic flow that speaks to the creative side of me.

Today’s guest is a perfect example of this. I originally connected with Tania Poletti on Facebook. She was posting all about Basecamp for Men and how much she loves the show and our message. So I reached out to her to see if she would be willing to have a chat with us. And she said yes!

She lives in Australia and is an expert on health and fitness, so I thought it would be a great opportunity to connect with Tania, find out what is happening with men in Australia, and ask her some important questions about men’s health.

Check her out at https://www.facebook.com/SchoolOfStrengthForWomen/

Thank you, dear readers and listeners, and enjoy this week’s episode!

Tony

 

Basecamp for Men E12: Firestarters for Men-Compassion

E12: Firestarter for Men-Compassion

 

E12 Introduction

Pema Chodron, the great Western Buddhist teacher, writes “Our personal attempts to live humanely in this world are never wasted. Choosing to cultivate love rather than anger just might be what it takes to save the planet from extinction.

What is it that allows our goodwill to expand and our prejudice and anger to decrease? This is a significant question. Traditionally it is said that the root of aggression and suffering is ignorance. But what is it that we are ignoring? Entrenched in the tunnel vision of our personal concerns, what we ignore is our kinship with others.

One reason we train as warrior-Bodhisattvas is to recognize our interconnectedness- to grow in understanding that when we harm another, we are harming ourselves.

So we train in recognizing our uptightness. We train in seeing that others are not so different from ourselves. We train in opening our hearts and minds in increasingly difficult situations.”

In today’s episode, we introduce Firestarters for Men, our new short format segment. This will be used from time-to-time as a break from our standard interview format and to offer something to listeners that is short and sweet. These Firestarters will tend to be 8-12 minutes instead of our usual 30 minutes or so.

I hope you enjoy this first one about compassion and the story by the late Aikido master Terry Dobson.

Enjoy and thank you listeners!

Tony

 

Basecamp for Men E6: Raise Your Energy

E6: Raise Your Energy with

Special Guest David Carico

 

E6 Introduction

As men, we are measured by society’s old narrative by how much we DO. And we have become really good at DOING THINGS but we have not been taught the value of slowing down. The old narrative says if we slow down, we might fall behind. Is this really true? As men with inner power, do we really not have time for ourselves? It‘s an interesting assumption, isn’t it?

Almost every man I know, myself included, could benefit from more slow time or Soul time. I have three favorite ways of slowing down and I share them with you in this episode. All three of these approaches has a deeply restorative effect on my mind, body, and spirit.

I know some men who use fishing or nature hikes as a way to enter this space. The point is for you to find yours. Sometimes men will decompress by fiddling with their phones or watching TV. I would counsel you to take a look at some other, more mindful approaches. Doing so will bring your energy and self-care up several notches. Try it out for yourself and see and, as usual, I will leave resources for you at the end of the show.

David Carico Bio

David Carico has been practicing Continuum for more than twenty years. He has been a long-time pupil of master Continuum teacher Beth Pettingill-Riley, a good friend of mine. David has been a facilitator and small group leader within the Breaththrough Men’s Community for many years helping men to examine issues of childhood trauma, gender conditioning, and social oppression.   David is a lawyer, handling appeals in civil and criminal cases for 35 years, a father of two successful adult women and a recent grandfather.

E6 Final Thoughts

I really enjoyed my conversation with David and I hope you found it valuable as well. I appreciate the insights and thoughtfulness that David brings to important issues for men. And he really embodies the wisdom that comes from finding time to slow down.

So, the end of show resources for you men are as follows: Meditation, you can find a million and one You Tube videos on meditation. You can sit in silence, use mantra or sound, walk through a guided meditation.  There really is a treasure there waiting for you to discover.

If the conversation about SOMATIC MOVEMENT interests you, go to www.ismeta.orgto find a class or teacher near you.  I highly recommend it.

Basecamp for Men E4. The Secret Lives of Men

 E4: The Secret Lives of Men with Special Guest Benjamin Seaman

 

E4 Introduction-

“Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh, and the greatness which does not bow before children.”

Kahlil Gibran

I was recently thinking about the men I admire most. I noticed that these men are, without exception, VERY emotionally intelligent.

For men, it’s one of our little secrets: we are emotionally intelligent and we read our emotional environments with great skill. Women and the culture at large pretend that we don’t know how to do

this. And we nod and go along with the “men are emotional dummies” assessment.

This whole notion that women are more emotionally intelligent because they TALK about their emotions so much is a shaky assumption. If you were in a group of people having a discussion, would you automatically assume that the one
 who talks the most is the most intelligent? Yet we assume that just because women talk more of their feelings that they somehow “get it” more clearly than men do.

This is not a knock on women or how theyprocess their feelings. I love women. I just take exception to the assumption that the more you talk, the more you know. It’s just not been my experience of this.

It’s true that men can be emotionally unavailable. We can “tune-out” and be emotionally unresponsive. It can be a coping mechanism
 when we feel overwhelmed. But it’s a mistake to assume that we are not intelligent in our emotional expressions.

As men, it is not our way to be constantly talking about how we feel. It is just not how we roll. However, we do know how to read the emotional vibe of a room…we are especially good at reading other men…we know when our women are scared or unhappy…so can we please stop pretending that men don’t “get” emotions?

I teach and learn in men’s groups. We get together once a week to work on all the things
 that are most important to men. Raising emotional awareness is one of the big pieces that we
 learn. But here’s the thing: many of the men show up with a fairly high level of emotional intelligence to START with. We just help them grow their mastery and learn some of the more subtle aspects of emotional awareness.

In our quest to become more emotionally intelligent, we come to know the five basic emotions: joy, anger, fear, grief, and shame. There are subtleties and other emotions (excitement, distress, etc.). However, in working to know and understand the basic five, a man can significantly improve his understanding of how these emotions show up, both in himself and others.

What’s the point of growing our emotional intelligence? Well, for starters, it makes us
 smarter. It’s true. That’s why they call it emotional intelligence.

Another reason is that it makes you a more skillful communicator. You can speak to and from the emotional undertones in a conversation. This gives you more power in almost every situation.

And by growing your emotional intelligence, you’ll get more expressive. This gives you a charisma that you don’t have access to by staying with your current emotional range and depth.

And your kids will learn greater emotional range and authenticity. They’ll come to value emotional expression and they’ll apply it to all sorts of situations, to their benefit.

And you’ll get laid more. No shit. By raising your emotional game and becoming more expressive and charismatic, men and women will find you more sexually irresistible.

In short, there is not a situation I can think of where greater emotional range and skill is not an advantage to you as a man. It makes you a better lover, a better father, a better son, a better friend.

In particular, men get emotionally smarter when they can claim their joy, sadness, and shame. These are the three emotions that can easily hide in the shadows for men.

Ben Seaman Bio-

Benjamin Seaman is a psychotherapist who has been practicing in NYC for 20 years specializing in couples and emotional literacy for men of all backgrounds. He has appeared in print, TV and radio outlets on various self-help issues. Mr. Seaman was co-director of an annual spiritual retreat for men from 2005-2017, and continues to offer workshops on creativity, relationships, and other personal growth topics. You can read about his practice at benjaminseaman.com.

E4 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed my interview with Ben Seaman. I loved what he said about how men typically will have two emotional responses- One, I’m fine and two, I’m pissed. I think that is where many men reside and one of the big reasons why things like therapy and men’s work are so valuable: they give men more awareness of their natural emotional spectrum and more variety in their expression.

Another thing that stood out to me was how Ben has noticed that men in other countries and other cultures will get together in groups to have adventures, share stories and insights and laughter. American men, cultured as we are to go it alone, miss out on this brotherhood that seems to exist everywhere else but here.