Basecamp for Men E62: Marriage as a Hero’s Journey

E62: Marriage as a Hero’s Journey with Special Guest Lisa Rezac

 

E62 Introduction-

As part of our Hero’s Journey, men will often struggle with our interractions with the Feminine. Both the women in our lives and the Feminine aspect that is inside every man. Women have the ability to confound us, test us, push us, as well as celebrate and elevate us.

My own marriage and partnership with my wife Lisa has lasted more than twenty-five years now. The learning in this relationship has been astounding.  She has, in many ways, been my most important teacher. I would not be the man I am today without her influence.

In your primary relationships, ALL of your baggage and your shadow come into play. The soft underbelly of your ego gets exposed. Any bullshit you might be trying to pull out in the world, any persona that you construct to come across as nothing but confident and positive will surely be exposed (and wilt) in the slow burn furnace of a long-term relationship.

A good marriage absolutely REQUIRES you to show up authentically. Warts and all. Fear and shame, needy and insecure. These are the childhood wounds that we bring into our partnerships. Even if we had a relatively healthy childhood, which very few of us have had, marriage will test you every step of the way.

A long-term partnership teaches you about heart and what it is to love. However,  our clumsy attempts at unconditional love repeatedly show us our bias’s and our fear of intimacy. It’s easy to say I accept you and love you but my subconscious mind, with all of it’s baggage and wounds and insecurities, keeps me projecting my preferences onto my beloved. I’m ok when you show up as x but not when you show up as y.

Marriage and life-long partnerships are a true Hero‘s Journey. Together you will face dragons that seem terrifying. Childhood monsters, traumas, fears of all sorts. You may face infidelity and fear of abandonment.  You will face a dark night of the soul, where it looks like it is falling apart and all hope is lost. When you are there, remember that it is just a chapter in your Hero’s Tale. Look for your resources and your mentor and forge on. You can do it.

And, like in a Hero’s tale, you will change and grow. Who you are in the next chapter will be a different version of yourself. It will be the same for your partner. I honor all of you on this path. For I know how challenging and frustrating it can be. Learning how to deal with yourself and this force of nature called your life partner.

With that being said, my blessing to you is you that you deeply honor your partner for what he or she is to you: a Soul mate who is deeply committed to your growth and someone who is helping you strengthen your heart. Interestingly, strong and loving hearts is exactly what the world is calling for right now.

Lisa Rezac Bio-

My guest today is an exceptional woman known for her beauty, intuition, humor, and courage. Lisa Rezac has been an classically trained actor, corporate trainer, entrepreneur, mother, and a fundraising auctioneer. She is a creative thinker and a person who models living your deepest truths. She has also been my life-partner for the past 26 years.

E62 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed hearing what conversations are like in the Rezac household. If you are a person who is committed to growing inside your relationship, I’ll recap some of the recommendations for you.

The Gottman Institute does some really amazing couples workshops and they have a list of Gottman trained therapists if you are looking for guidance. If your relationship is feeling stuck in some old patterns, finding a good therapist is essential to getting forward movement. It always worked for us. They are at www.gottman.com

What would Lisa and I have done had we not learned how to mirror? An essential tool for couples. You can learn it with the book called Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and find therapists that will teach you this and help you get better at it at www.harvilleandhelen.com

And lastly, there is a great book about life partners that sits on the top shelf of my library called Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. He shows the reader the importance of differentiation and the power of learning how to validate yourself instead of always looking to your partner or other people. Very insightful book.

Thank you listeners (and readers)!

 

 

 

 

Basecamp for Men E61: The Male Archetypes

E61 Firestarters for Men: The Male Archetypes

 

I have talked about and teach within a framework of a collective masculinity expressed through five primary archetypes. These are Lover, Warrior, Magician,  and King. The four horsemen of the mature masculine. As well as a fifth,  the archetypal Hero.

I like to think of it as a sort of archetypal compass.  The Hero will be in the middle and the four archetypes in four directions acting as allies to the Hero, which is you.

Since one of my functions within my mission is to bring men new perspectives and new resources, I thought you might find it useful to unpack some of these collectives. Additionally, I thought if I could share with you some of the ways that men access and express these energies in the world, it would give you not only an overview but some tools that will help you where “the rubber meets the road”, so to speak.

Whenever I lead men’s groups, I always bring attention to these archetypes as a way to activate potential. Men are better able to activate the Hero within if they have a roadmap and allies. It is here in a more archetypal way of seeing or what Jung called the archetypal mind that men can find the start of new chapters for themselves.

I will go through each of these five archetypes  and give you a snapshot as well as access points to help you get in touch with these important parts of yourself.

I hope you enjoy E61: The Male Archetypes.

 

Basecamp for Men E60: Living a Mythic Life

E60: Living a Mythic Life with Special Guest Jon Wilson

 

E60 Introduction

As a collective, I see much in the male tribe to be optimistic about. Men from all walks of life seem to be ready for new tools and new narratives. Men are tired of the worn-out old stories about who we are and what we are capable (or incapable) of doing.

I feel a bit sheepish writing about myth . I don’t feel qualified. After all, Joseph Campbell laid it all out for us. However if I have learned anything from my studies it’s that myths are living stories. They demand our active participation to keep the transformative power in them. They are our partners through the ages and epochs, carrying wisdom and warnings and giving us a roadmap of the (sometimes) treacherous road that we face.

Once we learn to read the signposts of myth, we can step out onto the faint trail with much more confidence, having a bit more of an inkling of what might await us.

Myth also connects us to our ancestors near and far.  This is important in a number of ways. For one, that perspective can inspire us. If my late grandparents and great-grandparents and my son’s not-yet-born kids and grandkids are included in our mythic viewpoint, it starts to get interesting and personal in very immediate way. You’re not just playing for you. You’re playing for everyone in your circle. We’re all depending on you.

By consciously living a mythic life, you raise your hand to be counted. No matter where consciousness is taking us; no matter what our great human story has in store for us; by setting your life in mythic terms you state to unseen forces, higher beings and allies that are always helping us that YOU CAN COUNT ON ME. I am paying attention.

    In our modern lifestyle, men can feel that life is reduced to making as good a living as you can and be as good of a husband/partner/father you can be. It can feel a bit small for a man’s spirit. I know it can for me. Myth helps with this by enlarging the story into more proper proportions. This approach always works, by the way. 100% of the time.

If we are, as philosopher Charles Eisenstein says, “in-between stories”, then what tools are at our disposal to fully arrive at the new story? In this changing narrative, we will need a powerful, sturdy framework to keep us grounded.

It is here that myth is so valuable. In our search for our most courageous life, myths contain the instructions. They are built right into the story. The sub-conscious mind will pick up on all the details and nuances. You don’t necessarily have to be aware of all that (at least not at the beginning).

In high-level modern myth-telling like Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars, or The Matrix, you start with an awareness of a battle between Light and Darkness. This is a meta-myth. But as you watch or read the story, all the fascinating teachings start to unfold in your awareness: the arrival of the mentor, the dark night of the soul, the ascent, etc. AND as you steep yourself in this more mythical way of seeing the world, the EXACT SAME THING starts to happen to you. YOU see your test and your fear and reluctance. YOU leave the well-troden path to go find the faint trail. YOU experience the dark night of the soul and the arrival of a mentor. The Hero‘s Tale brings you into the action to share with you the transformative power of the myth.

Men need inspiration and clarity, not to mention magic and mystery, to lift them.  It is here on the mythic byways that men can find inner sustenance and food for the Soul.

 

Basecamp for Men E59: Mental Health for Men

E59: Mental Health for Men with Special Guest Frank King

 

E59 Introduction-

The topic of mental health and better self-care for men is one that is near and dear to me. For 7 out of 10 suicides are by men, many middle-aged men who can so easily find themselves in a place of quiet desperation.

Most men, if they are paying attention, will arrive at a “dark night of the Soul”. A time in their lives when everything seems to fall apart. This is mythical and archetypal and part of any authentically lived life.

It takes a particular courage to descend for descending feels terrifying. It feels like you are not in control anymore and YOU ARE NOT. Larger forces are at work, testing the Hero. Yet, every Hero’s Journey  has a descent before redemption and ascension and return to the village. This is true on a macro level (humanity and the planet) as well as on a micro level (your life).

This episode is dedicated to the brave Souls who have experienced this dark night of the Soul. Both the ones that made it back to us and the ones that did not.

My guest today is someone who made it back and is sharing his wisdom, humor, and insights so that others may recognize their own path back to health and life.

 

Frank King Bio-

Frank King is a Suicide Prevention speaker and Trainer was a writer for The Tonight Show for 20 years. He’s fought a lifelong battle with Major Depressive Disorder and Chronic Suicidality, something that runs in his family. He turned this dark night of the soul into five TEDx Talks and shares his lifesaving insights on Mental Health Awareness with associations, corporations, and colleges.

A Motivational Public Speaker, he believes that where there is humor there is hope, where there is laughter there is life, nobody dies laughing. The right person, at the right time, with the right information, can save a life.

E59 Final Thoughts

I love how authentic Frank is. We need more men in the world that can speak truth to men and mental health. Especially ones that have been down in the darkness, found their way back to the Light, and commit to helping others do the same. For more information on Frank or to hire him to do one of his excellent, funny talks on mental health, go to www.thementalhealthcomedian.com

 

Basecamp for Men E58: ”Why Do Men Do This?”

E58: “Why Do Men Do This?”

Part 2 of the Jeff Perera interview

 

E58 Introduction

Well we are cooking along with season two here. Some of our upcoming episodes will have us talking with my good friend Jon Wilson about how to live a mythic life. We’ll also be talking with comedian and Tonight Show writer Frank King about mental health for men. We’ll have episodes coming up about archetypes and how to work with them and we‘ll catch up with another futurist about navigating these strange times with wisdom and vision.

If you have a guest you would like to have on Basecamp, an author or thought leader or someone you heard on another podcast, feel free to reach out to me at tony@basecampformen.com and give me your recommendation. I love getting these and they sometimes end up with your guest being on the show. In which case I will give you a personal shout out and thank you in the episode!

Well, as promised, here is part two of my interview with our friend Jeff Perera. Jeff and I look at some of the questions that we get asked about men. Why do men send dick pics? Why do men react with rage so often when they get triggered? And a couple of others. As two men that write on male psychology and the of the inner lives of men, I thought you might find it interesting to hear our takes on some of these. We also pay homage to the great Mohammed Ali.

Here is part two of my interview with our friend Jeff Perera.