Basecamp for Men E15: Understanding Men, Understanding Women Part 1

E15: Understanding Men, Understanding Women Part 1

with Special Guest Alison Armstrong

 

E15 Introduction

The male/female dynamic is one that has fascinated me for a long time. As a leader inside of the men’s movement, I have an understanding of what makes men tick. I get them. I see how men hide and get stuck and I have found  approaches  that help and support them. It’s second nature after almost two decades of men’s work.

Women on the other hand, have confounded us. We love women! Yet their communication style and complex emotional lives can confuse and befuddle us men. I have been with my wife for almost twenty-five years and sometimes I feel like I have barely scratched the surface of this mystery.

And yet there is perhaps no greater training for men than to learn to dance with the feminine (literally as well as metaphorically). The beloved women in our lives are so important to us. We want to hold onto what is true for us men as well as partner in powerful new ways with women. In many ways THIS dynamic is where the rubber meets the road, in terms of personal development.

My guest today has been on the front lines of this work for twenty plus years. Alison Armstrong has brought an understanding of gender dynamics to a new level. By bringing compassion, authenticity, and humor to the conversation, Alison has elevated our understanding of how men and women work off one another and how all of us can partner in more powerful, loving, and joyous ways.

Enjoy this two-part conversation with Alison Armstrong.

Thank you listeners!

Tony

Basecamp for Men E14: The Porn Trap

E14: The Porn Trap with author Wendy Maltz

 

E14 Introduction

Just a generation ago, only a small minority of men would have been considered regular porn users. Today porn reaches an unprecedented number of people from all walks of life. And it reaches them 356 days a year, 24/7. In the United States alone, forty million people visit Internet porn sites at least once a month. Some visit for only a few minutes at a time, while others stay for hours on a regular basis.

A whopping 25% of all daily Internet search requests and 35% of all downloads are for pornography. There are more than 400 million pages of pornography on the Internet. As one man said, “You no longer have to go looking for porn, porn is looking for you!”

As you might expect, most regular porn users are male (75-85%). You may be shocked to learn that youth under the age of eighteen have become one of the largest consumer groups of porn.

So how do you know if using pornography is a healthy choice for you or not? Join author Wendy Maltz (The Porn Trap) and myself as we unpack this somewhat awkward but extremely relevant topic.

We discuss the pitfalls of pornography, how to know if it has become a problem, and what to do if you suspect pornography has become an unhealthy choice. This is one of our top episodes so far with a topic that men need to know more about and get the straight talk about.

Thank you listeners!

Tony

Basecamp for Men E13: The Hero Within

E13: The Hero Within with Special Guest  Carol Pearson

 

E13 Introduction

One of my favorite books about archetypes and the Hero’s Journey is Carol Pearson’s The Hero Within.  Carol writes,

 “When the heroic journey was thought to be for special people only, the rest of us just found a secure niche and stayed there. Now we have no secure places in which to hide and be safe. In the contemporary world, if we do not step out on our quest, it will come get us. We are being thrust on the the journey. That is what we must all learn the requirements.”

This statement (and book) resonate with me deeply. There is an awakening happening in people. Staying in your routines and habits will blunt your sensitivity to the messages that are trying to stir and awaken you. Each one of us has a unique journey and a unique contribution to make in this movement.

I see people from all walks of life living heroic lives. I see it in a thousand quiet ways….people in meditation and contemplation, people learning to love one another (and themselves), people being honest about how they have been hurt or wounded and doing the important work to move through that hurt.

The whole thing leaves me with immense gratitude. Gratitude for people,  gratitude for our earth, gratitude to be given a chance to exercise our courage on such a wonderful stage. And gratitude for the Divine. I will leave you with one last quote from Joseph Campbell, who knew a thing or two about the Hero’s Journey:

 “Heroes are agents of change. The hero’s task always has been to bring new life to an ailing culture. The dragon to be slain is precisely the monster of the status quo. Holdfast keeper of the past.”

Thank you for listening!

Tony

Basecamp for Men E12: Firestarters for Men-Compassion

E12: Firestarter for Men-Compassion

 

E12 Introduction

Pema Chodron, the great Western Buddhist teacher, writes “Our personal attempts to live humanely in this world are never wasted. Choosing to cultivate love rather than anger just might be what it takes to save the planet from extinction.

What is it that allows our goodwill to expand and our prejudice and anger to decrease? This is a significant question. Traditionally it is said that the root of aggression and suffering is ignorance. But what is it that we are ignoring? Entrenched in the tunnel vision of our personal concerns, what we ignore is our kinship with others.

One reason we train as warrior-Bodhisattvas is to recognize our interconnectedness- to grow in understanding that when we harm another, we are harming ourselves.

So we train in recognizing our uptightness. We train in seeing that others are not so different from ourselves. We train in opening our hearts and minds in increasingly difficult situations.”

In today’s episode, we introduce Firestarters for Men, our new short format segment. This will be used from time-to-time as a break from our standard interview format and to offer something to listeners that is short and sweet. These Firestarters will tend to be 8-12 minutes instead of our usual 30 minutes or so.

I hope you enjoy this first one about compassion and the story by the late Aikido master Terry Dobson.

Enjoy and thank you listeners!

Tony

 

Basecamp for Men E11: Building Boys

E11: Building Boys: A Conversation with Nicky Wilks

 

E11 Introduction

The topic of  boys and how to best set them up for optimal emotional well-being is a topic that is near and dear to me. With a twelve year-old son of my own and what I see as a woefully inept narrative when it comes to the inner lives of our boys, I have more than a passing concern with how we get our sons to healthy adulthood. What can a parent do to make sure our boys have what they REALLY need?

My guest today is an exceptional young man. Nicky Wilks has built his life’s purpose around providing training and resources for boys through his organization: Journeymen.

These trainings are powerful, inclusive, and help teen boys bridge the gap from confused, isolated, and hormonal young people to emerging young men with purpose, a budding emotional intelligence, and a community that supports and understands them. This is a noble mission and my conversation with Nicky is insightful and timely.

As a parent of a young boy, I am grateful to Nicky and the team at Journeymen for providing safe spaces for our boys to take their Hero’s Journey.

These types of trainings set a firm foundation for these boys to start their journey into adulthood. In today’s world,  a true rite-of-passage for boys is a rare thing. Join Nicky and I as we look at Journeymen’s high-quality outdoor adventures, what parents need to know about them, and what the boys get out of their participation.

Thank you listeners!

Tony