Basecamp for Men E103: Freeing Yourself from “Niceness”

E103:Freeing Yourself from “Niceness” with Special Guest James Rapson

 

E103 Introduction

One of the common things I see men struggle with is how do you break out of this people pleasing fixation. It is the curse of Nice Guys and Nice Girls. You always need to be getting your approval and validation “over there”. It seems that, if this was a strategy we used as children, unaddressed, this coping pattern will continue to assert itself, showing us in spades that simply pleasing others with our niceness is an insufficient strategy if we are to navigate  our lives in more heroic and authentic ways.

I used to be a full on people-pleaser. No shit. Many from my past might remember this side of me.  A Nice Guy. UGH!! Now I see that it was all part of my development as a man. I needed to outgrow this immature, validation-seeking part of myself. And I had many teachers along the way. Particularly when I got involved with the Mankind Project.

I remember when I first got initiated by MKP and attending my very first men’s wisdom councils. I couldn‘t believe how these guys spoke to one another. There was a rough-and-tumble honesty among the men and complete disregard for being nicey-nice.  These men commanded respect with their truthfulness and authenticity.

It wasn’t that these men were just being assholes, although sometimes this happened when a man was triggered. It’s that they had a freedom of expression that was not bound by the Nice Guy mold. I  would use these chapters in my life to grow past the old Happy-Go-Lucky Nice Boy that was such a dominant part of my young adult life. The Warrior archetype would finish him off in my forties as my inner strength as a man grew.

I still know many men that are hemmed in by incessant people-pleasing. It‘s widespread. My guest today wrote a book and knows a lot about this topic. I’m looking forward to dialoguing with him.

James Rapson Bio

James Rapson has been an innovator in the field of personal and professional development for over 20 years. A former psychotherapist, his focus is now on training and coaching. He is an internationally-published author and a nationally-recognized speaker and workshop leader.

And he co-authored the book Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice with long-time friend and collaborator Craig English. Here is my interview with James Rapson.

E103 Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed our time with James as much as I did. To find James and his book, go to www.jamesrapson.com

Basecamp for Men E101: What is Skillful Living?

E101: What is Skillful Living with Special Guest Chris Beatie

 

E101 Introduction

I received a text message from a friend that had a little list of Right Livelihood principles and I immediately wanted to do an episode about it. Making a weekly 30 minute show turns you into someone who makes fast creative decisions.

I don’t have tons of episodes in the pipeline the way some podcasters do. I am a shoot-it-and-upload-it-now sort of guy. I tend to find stuff and turn it into content quickly.  I think this has been a blessing as I know some podcasters who labor over episodes for weeks trying to get it just right.

I really don‘t have the temperament for that. So I will see a meme or read an article that someone sends me and I’m off and running.  Make it good, pull the trigger on publish, and move onto the next episode.

Also, podcasters rarely have time to listen to other peoples podcasts. Isn’t that funny? All of the podcasters I have interviewed and spoken with all tell me the same thing: I am too busy making my show to listen to much else. Such is creative life at the microphone.

My guest today is my good friend Chris Beatie.  He’s a man who walks the talk and someone I can always count on. Let’s go have a conversation with him about skillful living.

Chris Beatie Interview

E101 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed our time with Chris and found value in that episode. I love the way Chris shows up as a man. We had a good laugh afterwards as we asked each other-did we get too personal? And then we both shrugged and said, “Fuck it, it’s good they hear this.”

I count Chris as someone I can trust on about 10 different levels. And my blessing to you my listener is that you have a man or two in your life who is unafraid of owning up to his own shadow the way that Chris models for us.

It opens up the possibility that we can speak to one another with newfound honesty and courage. It means we can finally be real with one another.

 

 

Basecamp for Men E100: The Learning Inside of Your Marriage

E100: The Learning Inside of Your Marriage with Special Guest Kimberly Holmes

 

E100 Introduction

Wow, I can’t believe we have made it to episode 100! I feel a sense of accomplishment with this and I want to start off  by thanking my excellent sound editor Chris Rodd. Chris, I couldn’t have done it without you.

And I would like to thank you my listener for giving our show a try and, for many of you, putting it into your regular rotation of podcasts. I really appreciate the follow. And if you are a fan of the show, help us by recommending it to a friend or two or giving us a review on Apple podcasts. Both of these actions help us to continue to grow and get the word out.

As many of you know, one of my interests is how we can best show up as men in our most important relationships. These primary relationships (with our spouses or life partners, with our children, with our siblings and our parents) will inevitably bring our most challenging issues to the surface.  They always do.

There is an interesting dynamic at play. These most intimate relationships are the ones we CARE the most about. And what tends to show up in the things we care about the most? Challenges and obstacles. Ones that we seem to sub-consciously put in our own way as we learn to love one another and ourselves unconditionally.

It is not hard to see that is is not always the great parts of us that are in our marriages and partnerships. We each show up with our unique wounds and insecurities. Our neediness, our upsets, our fears.

And there is a paradox at play. We seem to want unconditional love from one another but then keep putting parts of ourselves out there that we don’t even love. It is like we are telling our partners, “I don’t really like this small, needy, insecure part of myself, what do YOU think?”.

We long for the healing of our deepest wounds and then misguidedly ask our poor unsuspecting partner to do the healing. We often don’t suspect that it is ourselves that hold the key to the healing and love we have been looking for from our partners.

I sometimes think that our spouses and life-partners are really here to  bear witness to our courage to confront ourselves and to change. They encourage us to be true to ourselves and do our best to love life and them, with a full and open heart.

My guest today knows a lot about learning in a relationship. Let’s go have a conversation.

 

Kimberly Holmes Bio-

Kimberly Bean Holmes is the CEO of  Marriage Helper, an organization that seeks to give couples new resources for their journey.  She is also the CEO and Creator of PIES University. Kimberly is also the host of the It Starts With Attraction Podcast. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 200K people a month who are making changes and becoming the best that they can be. Here is my interview with Kimberly Holmes.

E100 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed my interview with Kimberly Holmes. I love what she said about how even if you are the only one to do inner work to help the relationship. This will often be enough to get positive development going. Because some of you might have partners that are not interested in therapy or working on things and that is ok. As long as YOU are willing to work on yourself, things will tend to grow in the relationship as well.

I also love what she said about  remember that how you make your spouse FEEL is so important. I think this is such an important point and I think it can get lost in long-term relationships. I know I lose sight of it from time to time.

Lastly, I asked Kimberly for a couple of book recommendations for you and I have a couple as well. Kimberly recommends 8 Datesby Dr. John Gottman and Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. My two relationship books that I love are Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Passionate Marriageby David Schnarch

 

 

 

Basecamp for Men E99: Leaving the Left

E99: Leaving the Left with Special Guest Lisa Rezac

 

E99 Introduction

I wanted to speak with you a bit today about a particular part of my Hero’s Journey and bring my life-partner and wife of 27+ years on as another set of eyes.

I have spoken of my political leanings in season three from time-to-time. I have even unpacked how I felt jettisoned by the radical left agenda. Many of you might be feeling the same way.

One of the most alarming things that I witnessed throughout this so-called pandemic was the liberties that Americans seemed so willing to give up in service to an authoritarian voice that told them this is how it had to be. It was and is appalling to me.

There is a part of me that is still scratching my head a bit. But I have also moved on. My take is that people will wake up when it’s their time. Neo will awaken. This much I know. For it lives inside of our Divine Imagination as  mythic prophesy.

Like I said in the last episode, using some of our most cherished and valuable myths and interfacing them with the Matrix and the Lord of the Rings, etc. If you can only parrot what the MSM is saying, you are still in the slime pod. Even if you pride yourself on your intellect and your critical skills, if you are parroting what the enemy wants you to parrot, you are still in the Matrix. You are playing a character Neo. The character you are playing is one that can’t be duped or fooled. You are too smart. Too on the ball. Too aware. You are a proud liberal and dammit, that means something. Such is the way of the ego.

As I have continued to riff on myths such as the Fallen Goddess Myth, I have started to become aware of an interesting dynamic. That, as Americans, we have our own version of the Goddess: our beloved Lady Liberty, the Feminine Soul  of our great nation. That she has been treated so shabbily and nearly forgotten by a group that will do nothing but hate and demean her. WHAT THE HELL?!?

Will everyday men and women defend her honor? Will liberals? Do you really need to have your freedoms stripped from you before you see what you truly have in this country? It’s an insane approach if you do. And much more full of suffering.

Why not honor the Goddess that is in front of you by showing her the reverence, love, and and awe that she deserve . And defend her when she is attacked. Are you following me?

I see people not wanting to step up here, no matter their political leanings. Maybe they are following the riffs on myth and the Grail and the Goddess and all the things I seek to challenge you with. But they still take too passive of a stance when defending this Goddess. She needs Warriors, both men and women, that are awake. People that are willing to put their backs into it.  Our ancestors (and future generations) are counting on us. We will not them down.

I want to let my mythic imagination run free. When I look back on my life, I see that freedom was always of utmost importance to me. It is in the core of my being. And the country that I was born and raised in and even taught to hate by my liberal education, is a living breathing Goddess herself, isn‘t she? America is and will continue to be a beacon of Light, for the world. And she is in the middle of HER rebirth.

Just consider what I am sharing with you. Trust me. I want to challenge you but we are on the same side, you and I. My prayer and my deep intention is that we continue to find each other through boundaries that we were always meant to break free from.

Speaking for  both Lisa and I, we welcome those of you who are arriving and we deeply honor you on your Hero’s Journey, no matter which chapter you are on.

E99 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed our time with the always interesting Lisa Rezac. My hope is that, if you are a die-hard liberal, you can come away with a fresh perspective of Libertarians and Conservatives that might look a little like Naomi Wolf’s newfound appreciation. Nothing will melt illusory boundaries between these camps like mutual appreciation and gratitude.

I also highly recommend, especially liberals, join Telegram. I promise you that you won’t die. What WILL happen is you will start to become aware of things that are unfolding that are being omitted and censored by Big Media and Big Tech. Telegram is full of citizen journalists and independent and critical thinkers and yes, “conspiracy theorists”. You will even see people reposting some of Q‘s drops.

One thing Lisa forgot to mention when we were speaking of the difference in information between Telegram and MSM is she mentioned the massive demonstrations that are going on all over the world. Huge gatherings to protest masks, vaccines, shut-downs, and government overreach into our liberties. Are you seeing any of this on YOUR feed? Well, it’s happening.

If you do decide to make your way to Telegram, start with a simple follow: a channel called We The Media.  It’s sort of the baseline on Telegram. From there, you can find interesting voices and  citizen journalists whom you enjoy.

All of it exists for your awakening. I trust all of you to have the bandwidth and discernment to find the threads that most spark your curiosity and Divine intelligence.

 

 

 

 

Basecamp for Men E98: Our Mythic Imagination

E98: Our Mythic Imagination

 

E98 Introduction

Without a guest lined up and leaving for vacation for a week, I found myself bringing one of my short format episodes to you. I am calling this one Our Mythic Imagination. It is my hope that it sparks your curiousity or rekindles something in you.

Whenever I step into this mythic landscape,  I always feel supported. There is something much larger than me that is wanting to speak to you. If I can stay out of the way and let the images and words flow, they will hopefully arrive in your ears and hearts in a coherent fashion. It is not always an easy balancing act as all sorts of ideas and images vie for the stage. Such is the way of myth. Messy, a bit chaotic, but ultimately staying true to the central message or motif. The mythic landscape that is our birthright is alive and well. Humanity is resourced for these next chapters.

There is SO much going on in our emerging story. When I say “our” story, I am of course referring to WE THE PEOPLE.  I do not see division in us. I refuse to buy what our adversaries are selling. We seem to have a  spiritual war at the foundation of what we are dealing with.  A battle for our Souls, if you want to state it in a biblical fashion.

The enemies of WE THE PEOPLE, whom we’ve spoken about on a number of occasions, are counting that we don’t wake up. That we continue our slumber, unaware of our situation and what is at stake.

We have work to do. The shadow is asking to be seen and acknowledged. It wants to be found. Both in the world and in ourselves. There is nowhere to hide right now, if I can state it in bold terms.

For me, these are times to lean on our stories and our myths. The ones that bring forth our courage and our mutual humanity. As I see it, we are either listening to the narrative of our adversaries as it blares out along the mainstream airwaves, or we lean on our tried-and-true myths that have been handed to us for to help us in for these very sorts of times. Mythic imagination is our secret weapon. It is how we know where we are and what we need to do. It is the weapon our enemy fears the most.

I will share with you today how I spark my own mythic imagination and hopefully this will help awaken what is beginning to spark inside you. We are one tribe. There is no division. All separation is an illusion. Or as Gnostics say There is Just ONE of Us Here.

Once you arrive at this universal truth (and really know it in your bones), all confusion and fog will dissipate. You have now arrived at the fork in YOUR Hero’s Journey.

The  Great Awakening of humanity has been prophesied in every wisdom tradition. The Quickening that brings an acceleration of the Divine Light and inner knowing into our tribe.  We are at the part of the story where mythic motifs and themes, long-forgotten characters, and unexpected movements in the story line start to assert themselves.

There seems to be magic afoot. As if each one of us, RIGHT NOW, is playing a crucial part in  this unfolding story. Something is stirring in the tribe. Are you aware of it? Is there inner work you need to do to better prepare yourself for the coming days?

I am inviting you to bring mythic imagination into your being. Into your Soul. It is how you will know what is unfolding. The chosen myth will whisper its secrets. It is not as hard as you might think. Sitting quietly as you contemplate your Hero’s Journey or The Grail or the Fallen Goddess Myth. These myths will, with a fisherman’s patient mentality, whisper where you are at and what you need to do or who you need to grow into to complete your Divine mission.

Myths are meta-stories. They create transcendent imagery and feelings in the initiate to guide the brave soul who awaits his or her instructions.