Basecamp for Men E9: Fatherhood Wide Open

E9: Fatherhood Wide Open with Special Guest Kyle Bradford

 

E9 Introduction

The heartbeat of this episode is AUTHENTICITY and my guest Kyle Bradford certainly embodies this quality. He shoots straight, tells it like it is, and owns his own mistakes and shadow. In short, he exemplifies living “wide open” and Kyle parents in this same style, as you’ll find out in this episode. We talk about gender, traditional values, and difficult discussions with our children.

Authenticity requires the courage to speak your truth. Fake is out. So is political correctness. Being real is what has others love and respect you. Join us in this discussion about living the genuine life and parenting our sons in the digital age.

Kyle Bradford Bio

Kyle Bradford is the writer behind  CHOPPERPAPA.COM, a blog dedicated to observations and discussions about marriage, single parenting, dating, divorce, and manhood.

Here is my interview with Kyle Bradford.

E9 Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed our time with Kyle Bradford. I think he exemplifies having courage in facing yourself and being authentic with your children. Parents often try and hide their wounds from their children and loved ones but I think this is a mistake. When you are authentic and come from the heart, people (including children) will give you space to show up in your humanity. I don‘t know any perfect people. But I do know lots of real people who make mistakes, look honestly at themselves, learn valuable lessons, and then communicate those lessons with heart and humility.

One thing I wanted to mention is the book The Porn Trap by Wendy and Larry Maltz. This is an essential book for anyone that is curious about the impact of pornography on your brain and your life. And for parents of young boys, it‘s an ally in understanding this lurking element that all of our boys will have to deal with. I hope to get Wendy and Larry on soon for more insights on this important topic.

I hope you enjoyed the episode. Thank you for listening to Basecamp for Men. And we’ll see you next week.

 

 

Basecamp for Men E8. The Power of Men’s Groups

E8: The Power of Men’s Groups with Special Guest

Dave Klaus

E8 Introduction

All around the world, every single day, men are gathering in circles. Known as men’s groups, men’s work, or men’s wisdom circles, these groups provide an essential resource to the men who are open enough to seek them out. One of the great gifts of men’s groups is creating environments where men can set their feet on their best path. Men’s groups act as a “basecamp” for the uncertain Hero’s Journey.

What lessons might YOU learn by participating in these circles? You‘ll have your own list. Here are my top five lessons I have learned by growing up inside the men’s movement:
  1. MEN ARE COURAGEOUS. This is something that is important for men to know about themselves. Too many men live their lives in routine and comfort. It can just suck the life out of you. One reason we do men’s work is to access the Hero within to live our most courageous lives.
  2. WHEN IT MATTERS MOST, MEN CAN BE TRUSTED. The more I learn about the real, authentic you, the more I can relate and trust you. When you drop the b.s. and be real with other men, they’ll have your back. I’ve seen it over and over again. Men are incredible!
  3. COLLECTIVE MALE WISDOM IS ALIVE AND WELL. Men have met in circles and counsels since the dawn of man. It‘s in our DNA. When men gather in groups, insights and possibilities arise that simply don‘t surface when men choose to go it alone.
  4. YOU CAN HANDLE HONEST FEEDBACK FROM MEN YOU TRUST. In men’s circles, we learn to give and receive clean feedback that accelerates growth. When feedback is given from the heart, men can hear it and work with it.
  5. LIFE GETS BETTER. When men gather to create powerful groups, life seems to move in a good way. These groups act like a compass for men. It gives you a community that knows you, understands the challenges of manhood, and gives you many opportunities to grow your leadership. Challenges that were depleting your energy are transmuted inside of a masculine circle. The collective feel of the group is that this is making a big difference for me. 

Join Tony and special guest Dave Klaus, editor and writer for On Purpose newsletter, as they talk about the state of masculinity, the value of men’s groups, and share with the listener’s what men‘s groups feel like by doing a traditional “check-in” round for the listeners. Enjoy!

Dave Klaus Bio

Dave is a speaker, writer, community leader, and criminal defense trial lawyer.  He is a skilled facilitator of large and small groups, and has honed these skills in his work with the ManKind Project, and in nearly forty jury trials.  He is an ordained priest with the Hollow Bones Zen Order with a daily meditation and qi gung practice.  His passion is to empower others to find their way to a path of clarity, flexibility, open-hearted connection, and flow in the present moment, so they they may share their gold with the world and effect real change.

E8 Final Thoughts

I really loved speaking with Dave. I feel like him and I could be good friends. It was the first time we did a check-in like we do in the men’s groups and the whole interview had a men’s group sort of feel to it, which is really appropriate for this episode.

I love what Dave said that one of the things he’d like to see from more men is this willingness to be uncomfortable. I agree. If men are willing to step into new environments for learning, such as the men’s weekend and these groups, it grows their capacity to sit  and be present with what is uncomfortable in life. This will always lead to growth and new insights.

And go subscribe to On Purpose Newsletter at https://mkpusa.org/onpurposenews/. Dave is a really good writer and if these topics interest you, you will find this newsletter refreshing in its authenticity.

Basecamp for Men E7: How to Raise a Boy

E7: How to Raise a Boy with Special Guest

Dr. Michael Reichert

 

E7 Introduction

We certainly live in perilous times for boys. As restrictive as the man box is for men, the pressures that boys feel to conform and measure up is relentless. Boys experience performative pressures from parents and teachers and pressures to conform to the standards of other boys version of masculinity which often entails a clear pecking order, bullying and ridicule to enforce the pecking order, and no place for kids that are outsiders or slightly different or even if they are introverted, which many boys are.

And school curriculum is not constructed with boys in mind. If it was, you would see a lot more projects that take the boys outside and into the world. And you would see more creative offerings in the curriculum. Has any school ever asked the boys what THEY want to learn or what’s important to THEM? I doubt it.

I am raising a son who is now twelve years old and his mother and I are readying ourselves for the teen years that are upon us with all that entails. I am certainly no expert on raising a boy. Like most parents, my approach has been trial and error, heart on my sleeve as I do my best to track my son’s needs and changes. What is the right amount of support? What is too much? What does he seem ready for? These are the questions that parents constantly have in their minds and hearts and it all comes with a great deal of anxiety. Am I screwing him up?

I once heard a bit of wisdom about children and I don’t remember its source but it has stuck with me. That our children don‘t belong to us. They belong to the world.  Our job as parents and caretakers is to do our best to train them for the world. They have their own destiny and their own song to sing. If we can get our own expectations and our own childhood wounds out of the way and hear our sons and daughters unique song, we can help them find their best path in the world. Maybe that is the best we can do for them.

The whole process takes trust. As parents, I think we need to feel the freedom of not having the stakes so high. Mistakes will be made, feelings will get hurt. I think the best thing I can give my son is belief in him. Not necessarily a belief that he will achieve a certain outcome but belief that he has the resources to follow his heart, to be true to himself.

My guest today is an expert on parenting and the needs of boys in particular.

Dr. Michael Reichert Bio

Dr. Michael Reichert is a psychologist, the founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys and Girls Lives at the University of Pennsylvania, and a clinical practitioner specializing in boys and men who has also conducted extensive research globally.

Visit Dr. Reichart at https://www.michaelcreichert.com/publications

E7 Final Thoughts

I hope you got some valuable insights from our time with Dr. Reichert. I know I certainly did. I highly recommend his book How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men. It’s available at all the usual places. The book has very relevant information and stories in it and Michael is a very good writer. Anyone raising a son will benefit from having it on their book shelf.

I immediately took Michael’s advice with my son. When I was tucking him in last night I said that I would like to make a weekly time with him. One to two hours where we get to do whatever HE wants to do: play Fortnite, go take pictures somewhere, go to the sporting good store or play golf or catch, whatever HE wants to do. His reaction? He beamed at me and said “Really?, that sounds awesome” And then he said, “ I sometimes feel that I don’t get enough one-on-one time with you.” I`m very grateful for Dr. Reichert for suggesting this.

This seems like a great approach to our sons, no matter what their age is. Make time with them, let them lead, and like Dr. Reichert says, delight in their presence and imagination. Go have fun with that all you Dads have a Happy Father’s Day and we’ll see you next week.

 

Basecamp for Men E6: Raise Your Energy

E6: Raise Your Energy with

Special Guest David Carico

 

E6 Introduction

As men, we are measured by society’s old narrative by how much we DO. And we have become really good at DOING THINGS but we have not been taught the value of slowing down. The old narrative says if we slow down, we might fall behind. Is this really true? As men with inner power, do we really not have time for ourselves? It‘s an interesting assumption, isn’t it?

Almost every man I know, myself included, could benefit from more slow time or Soul time. I have three favorite ways of slowing down and I share them with you in this episode. All three of these approaches has a deeply restorative effect on my mind, body, and spirit.

I know some men who use fishing or nature hikes as a way to enter this space. The point is for you to find yours. Sometimes men will decompress by fiddling with their phones or watching TV. I would counsel you to take a look at some other, more mindful approaches. Doing so will bring your energy and self-care up several notches. Try it out for yourself and see and, as usual, I will leave resources for you at the end of the show.

David Carico Bio

David Carico has been practicing Continuum for more than twenty years. He has been a long-time pupil of master Continuum teacher Beth Pettingill-Riley, a good friend of mine. David has been a facilitator and small group leader within the Breaththrough Men’s Community for many years helping men to examine issues of childhood trauma, gender conditioning, and social oppression.   David is a lawyer, handling appeals in civil and criminal cases for 35 years, a father of two successful adult women and a recent grandfather.

E6 Final Thoughts

I really enjoyed my conversation with David and I hope you found it valuable as well. I appreciate the insights and thoughtfulness that David brings to important issues for men. And he really embodies the wisdom that comes from finding time to slow down.

So, the end of show resources for you men are as follows: Meditation, you can find a million and one You Tube videos on meditation. You can sit in silence, use mantra or sound, walk through a guided meditation.  There really is a treasure there waiting for you to discover.

If the conversation about SOMATIC MOVEMENT interests you, go to www.ismeta.orgto find a class or teacher near you.  I highly recommend it.