Basecamp for Men E15: Understanding Men, Understanding Women Part 1

E15: Understanding Men, Understanding Women Part 1

with Special Guest Alison Armstrong

 

E15 Introduction

The male/female dynamic is one that has fascinated me for a long time. As a leader inside of the men’s movement, I have an understanding of what makes men tick. I get them. I see how men hide and get stuck and I have found  approaches  that help and support them. It’s second nature after almost two decades of men’s work.

Women on the other hand, have confounded us. We love women! Yet their communication style and complex emotional lives can confuse and befuddle us men. I have been with my wife for almost twenty-five years and sometimes I feel like I have barely scratched the surface of this mystery.

And yet there is perhaps no greater training for men than to learn to dance with the feminine (literally as well as metaphorically). The beloved women in our lives are so important to us. We want to hold onto what is true for us men as well as partner in powerful new ways with women. In many ways THIS dynamic is where the rubber meets the road, in terms of personal development.

My guest today has been on the front lines of this work for twenty plus years. Alison Armstrong has brought an understanding of gender dynamics to a new level. By bringing compassion, authenticity, and humor to the conversation, Alison has elevated our understanding of how men and women work off one another and how all of us can partner in more powerful, loving, and joyous ways.

Enjoy this two-part conversation with Alison Armstrong.

Thank you listeners!

Tony

Basecamp for Men E14: The Porn Trap

E14: The Porn Trap with author Wendy Maltz

 

E14 Introduction

Just a generation ago, only a small minority of men would have been considered regular porn users. Today porn reaches an unprecedented number of people from all walks of life. And it reaches them 356 days a year, 24/7. In the United States alone, forty million people visit Internet porn sites at least once a month. Some visit for only a few minutes at a time, while others stay for hours on a regular basis.

A whopping 25% of all daily Internet search requests and 35% of all downloads are for pornography. There are more than 400 million pages of pornography on the Internet. As one man said, “You no longer have to go looking for porn, porn is looking for you!”

As you might expect, most regular porn users are male (75-85%). You may be shocked to learn that youth under the age of eighteen have become one of the largest consumer groups of porn.

So how do you know if using pornography is a healthy choice for you or not? Join author Wendy Maltz (The Porn Trap) and myself as we unpack this somewhat awkward but extremely relevant topic.

We discuss the pitfalls of pornography, how to know if it has become a problem, and what to do if you suspect pornography has become an unhealthy choice. This is one of our top episodes so far with a topic that men need to know more about and get the straight talk about.

Thank you listeners!

Tony

Basecamp for Men E13: The Hero Within

E13: The Hero Within with Special Guest  Carol Pearson

 

E13 Introduction

One of my favorite books about archetypes and the Hero’s Journey is Carol Pearson’s The Hero Within.  Carol writes,

 “When the heroic journey was thought to be for special people only, the rest of us just found a secure niche and stayed there. Now we have no secure places in which to hide and be safe. In the contemporary world, if we do not step out on our quest, it will come get us. We are being thrust on the the journey. That is what we must all learn the requirements.”

This statement (and book) resonate with me deeply. There is an awakening happening in people. Staying in your routines and habits will blunt your sensitivity to the messages that are trying to stir and awaken you. Each one of us has a unique journey and a unique contribution to make in this movement.

I see people from all walks of life living heroic lives. I see it in a thousand quiet ways….people in meditation and contemplation, people learning to love one another (and themselves), people being honest about how they have been hurt or wounded and doing the important work to move through that hurt.

The whole thing leaves me with immense gratitude. Gratitude for people,  gratitude for our earth, gratitude to be given a chance to exercise our courage on such a wonderful stage. And gratitude for the Divine. I will leave you with one last quote from Joseph Campbell, who knew a thing or two about the Hero’s Journey:

 “Heroes are agents of change. The hero’s task always has been to bring new life to an ailing culture. The dragon to be slain is precisely the monster of the status quo. Holdfast keeper of the past.”

Thank you for listening!

Tony

Basecamp for Men E8. The Power of Men’s Groups

E8: The Power of Men’s Groups with Special Guest

Dave Klaus

E8 Introduction

All around the world, every single day, men are gathering in circles. Known as men’s groups, men’s work, or men’s wisdom circles, these groups provide an essential resource to the men who are open enough to seek them out. One of the great gifts of men’s groups is creating environments where men can set their feet on their best path. Men’s groups act as a “basecamp” for the uncertain Hero’s Journey.

What lessons might YOU learn by participating in these circles? You‘ll have your own list. Here are my top five lessons I have learned by growing up inside the men’s movement:
  1. MEN ARE COURAGEOUS. This is something that is important for men to know about themselves. Too many men live their lives in routine and comfort. It can just suck the life out of you. One reason we do men’s work is to access the Hero within to live our most courageous lives.
  2. WHEN IT MATTERS MOST, MEN CAN BE TRUSTED. The more I learn about the real, authentic you, the more I can relate and trust you. When you drop the b.s. and be real with other men, they’ll have your back. I’ve seen it over and over again. Men are incredible!
  3. COLLECTIVE MALE WISDOM IS ALIVE AND WELL. Men have met in circles and counsels since the dawn of man. It‘s in our DNA. When men gather in groups, insights and possibilities arise that simply don‘t surface when men choose to go it alone.
  4. YOU CAN HANDLE HONEST FEEDBACK FROM MEN YOU TRUST. In men’s circles, we learn to give and receive clean feedback that accelerates growth. When feedback is given from the heart, men can hear it and work with it.
  5. LIFE GETS BETTER. When men gather to create powerful groups, life seems to move in a good way. These groups act like a compass for men. It gives you a community that knows you, understands the challenges of manhood, and gives you many opportunities to grow your leadership. Challenges that were depleting your energy are transmuted inside of a masculine circle. The collective feel of the group is that this is making a big difference for me. 

Join Tony and special guest Dave Klaus, editor and writer for On Purpose newsletter, as they talk about the state of masculinity, the value of men’s groups, and share with the listener’s what men‘s groups feel like by doing a traditional “check-in” round for the listeners. Enjoy!

Dave Klaus Bio

Dave is a speaker, writer, community leader, and criminal defense trial lawyer.  He is a skilled facilitator of large and small groups, and has honed these skills in his work with the ManKind Project, and in nearly forty jury trials.  He is an ordained priest with the Hollow Bones Zen Order with a daily meditation and qi gung practice.  His passion is to empower others to find their way to a path of clarity, flexibility, open-hearted connection, and flow in the present moment, so they they may share their gold with the world and effect real change.

E8 Final Thoughts

I really loved speaking with Dave. I feel like him and I could be good friends. It was the first time we did a check-in like we do in the men’s groups and the whole interview had a men’s group sort of feel to it, which is really appropriate for this episode.

I love what Dave said that one of the things he’d like to see from more men is this willingness to be uncomfortable. I agree. If men are willing to step into new environments for learning, such as the men’s weekend and these groups, it grows their capacity to sit  and be present with what is uncomfortable in life. This will always lead to growth and new insights.

And go subscribe to On Purpose Newsletter at https://mkpusa.org/onpurposenews/. Dave is a really good writer and if these topics interest you, you will find this newsletter refreshing in its authenticity.

Basecamp for Men E6: Raise Your Energy

E6: Raise Your Energy with

Special Guest David Carico

 

E6 Introduction

As men, we are measured by society’s old narrative by how much we DO. And we have become really good at DOING THINGS but we have not been taught the value of slowing down. The old narrative says if we slow down, we might fall behind. Is this really true? As men with inner power, do we really not have time for ourselves? It‘s an interesting assumption, isn’t it?

Almost every man I know, myself included, could benefit from more slow time or Soul time. I have three favorite ways of slowing down and I share them with you in this episode. All three of these approaches has a deeply restorative effect on my mind, body, and spirit.

I know some men who use fishing or nature hikes as a way to enter this space. The point is for you to find yours. Sometimes men will decompress by fiddling with their phones or watching TV. I would counsel you to take a look at some other, more mindful approaches. Doing so will bring your energy and self-care up several notches. Try it out for yourself and see and, as usual, I will leave resources for you at the end of the show.

David Carico Bio

David Carico has been practicing Continuum for more than twenty years. He has been a long-time pupil of master Continuum teacher Beth Pettingill-Riley, a good friend of mine. David has been a facilitator and small group leader within the Breaththrough Men’s Community for many years helping men to examine issues of childhood trauma, gender conditioning, and social oppression.   David is a lawyer, handling appeals in civil and criminal cases for 35 years, a father of two successful adult women and a recent grandfather.

E6 Final Thoughts

I really enjoyed my conversation with David and I hope you found it valuable as well. I appreciate the insights and thoughtfulness that David brings to important issues for men. And he really embodies the wisdom that comes from finding time to slow down.

So, the end of show resources for you men are as follows: Meditation, you can find a million and one You Tube videos on meditation. You can sit in silence, use mantra or sound, walk through a guided meditation.  There really is a treasure there waiting for you to discover.

If the conversation about SOMATIC MOVEMENT interests you, go to www.ismeta.orgto find a class or teacher near you.  I highly recommend it.