Basecamp for Men E68: Our Hero’s Journey

Forest and sky

E68: Firestarters for Men-Our Hero’s Journey   E68 Introduction- We are moving towards the end of 2020 and what a year it has been!  The Hero’s Journey that we collectively share has entered a new…

Basecamp for Men E62: Marriage as a Hero’s Journey

E62: Marriage as a Hero’s Journey with Special Guest Lisa Rezac

 

E62 Introduction-

As part of our Hero’s Journey, men will often struggle with our interractions with the Feminine. Both the women in our lives and the Feminine aspect that is inside every man. Women have the ability to confound us, test us, push us, as well as celebrate and elevate us.

My own marriage and partnership with my wife Lisa has lasted more than twenty-five years now. The learning in this relationship has been astounding.  She has, in many ways, been my most important teacher. I would not be the man I am today without her influence.

In your primary relationships, ALL of your baggage and your shadow come into play. The soft underbelly of your ego gets exposed. Any bullshit you might be trying to pull out in the world, any persona that you construct to come across as nothing but confident and positive will surely be exposed (and wilt) in the slow burn furnace of a long-term relationship.

A good marriage absolutely REQUIRES you to show up authentically. Warts and all. Fear and shame, needy and insecure. These are the childhood wounds that we bring into our partnerships. Even if we had a relatively healthy childhood, which very few of us have had, marriage will test you every step of the way.

A long-term partnership teaches you about heart and what it is to love. However,  our clumsy attempts at unconditional love repeatedly show us our bias’s and our fear of intimacy. It’s easy to say I accept you and love you but my subconscious mind, with all of it’s baggage and wounds and insecurities, keeps me projecting my preferences onto my beloved. I’m ok when you show up as x but not when you show up as y.

Marriage and life-long partnerships are a true Hero‘s Journey. Together you will face dragons that seem terrifying. Childhood monsters, traumas, fears of all sorts. You may face infidelity and fear of abandonment.  You will face a dark night of the soul, where it looks like it is falling apart and all hope is lost. When you are there, remember that it is just a chapter in your Hero’s Tale. Look for your resources and your mentor and forge on. You can do it.

And, like in a Hero’s tale, you will change and grow. Who you are in the next chapter will be a different version of yourself. It will be the same for your partner. I honor all of you on this path. For I know how challenging and frustrating it can be. Learning how to deal with yourself and this force of nature called your life partner.

With that being said, my blessing to you is you that you deeply honor your partner for what he or she is to you: a Soul mate who is deeply committed to your growth and someone who is helping you strengthen your heart. Interestingly, strong and loving hearts is exactly what the world is calling for right now.

Lisa Rezac Bio-

My guest today is an exceptional woman known for her beauty, intuition, humor, and courage. Lisa Rezac has been an classically trained actor, corporate trainer, entrepreneur, mother, and a fundraising auctioneer. She is a creative thinker and a person who models living your deepest truths. She has also been my life-partner for the past 26 years.

E62 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed hearing what conversations are like in the Rezac household. If you are a person who is committed to growing inside your relationship, I’ll recap some of the recommendations for you.

The Gottman Institute does some really amazing couples workshops and they have a list of Gottman trained therapists if you are looking for guidance. If your relationship is feeling stuck in some old patterns, finding a good therapist is essential to getting forward movement. It always worked for us. They are at www.gottman.com

What would Lisa and I have done had we not learned how to mirror? An essential tool for couples. You can learn it with the book called Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and find therapists that will teach you this and help you get better at it at www.harvilleandhelen.com

And lastly, there is a great book about life partners that sits on the top shelf of my library called Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. He shows the reader the importance of differentiation and the power of learning how to validate yourself instead of always looking to your partner or other people. Very insightful book.

Thank you listeners (and readers)!

 

 

 

 

Basecamp for Men E61: The Male Archetypes

E61 Firestarters for Men: The Male Archetypes

 

I have talked about and teach within a framework of a collective masculinity expressed through five primary archetypes. These are Lover, Warrior, Magician,  and King. The four horsemen of the mature masculine. As well as a fifth,  the archetypal Hero.

I like to think of it as a sort of archetypal compass.  The Hero will be in the middle and the four archetypes in four directions acting as allies to the Hero, which is you.

Since one of my functions within my mission is to bring men new perspectives and new resources, I thought you might find it useful to unpack some of these collectives. Additionally, I thought if I could share with you some of the ways that men access and express these energies in the world, it would give you not only an overview but some tools that will help you where “the rubber meets the road”, so to speak.

Whenever I lead men’s groups, I always bring attention to these archetypes as a way to activate potential. Men are better able to activate the Hero within if they have a roadmap and allies. It is here in a more archetypal way of seeing or what Jung called the archetypal mind that men can find the start of new chapters for themselves.

I will go through each of these five archetypes  and give you a snapshot as well as access points to help you get in touch with these important parts of yourself.

I hope you enjoy E61: The Male Archetypes.

 

Basecamp for Men E60: Living a Mythic Life

E60: Living a Mythic Life with Special Guest Jon Wilson

 

E60 Introduction

As a collective, I see much in the male tribe to be optimistic about. Men from all walks of life seem to be ready for new tools and new narratives. Men are tired of the worn-out old stories about who we are and what we are capable (or incapable) of doing.

I feel a bit sheepish writing about myth . I don’t feel qualified. After all, Joseph Campbell laid it all out for us. However if I have learned anything from my studies it’s that myths are living stories. They demand our active participation to keep the transformative power in them. They are our partners through the ages and epochs, carrying wisdom and warnings and giving us a roadmap of the (sometimes) treacherous road that we face.

Once we learn to read the signposts of myth, we can step out onto the faint trail with much more confidence, having a bit more of an inkling of what might await us.

Myth also connects us to our ancestors near and far.  This is important in a number of ways. For one, that perspective can inspire us. If my late grandparents and great-grandparents and my son’s not-yet-born kids and grandkids are included in our mythic viewpoint, it starts to get interesting and personal in very immediate way. You’re not just playing for you. You’re playing for everyone in your circle. We’re all depending on you.

By consciously living a mythic life, you raise your hand to be counted. No matter where consciousness is taking us; no matter what our great human story has in store for us; by setting your life in mythic terms you state to unseen forces, higher beings and allies that are always helping us that YOU CAN COUNT ON ME. I am paying attention.

    In our modern lifestyle, men can feel that life is reduced to making as good a living as you can and be as good of a husband/partner/father you can be. It can feel a bit small for a man’s spirit. I know it can for me. Myth helps with this by enlarging the story into more proper proportions. This approach always works, by the way. 100% of the time.

If we are, as philosopher Charles Eisenstein says, “in-between stories”, then what tools are at our disposal to fully arrive at the new story? In this changing narrative, we will need a powerful, sturdy framework to keep us grounded.

It is here that myth is so valuable. In our search for our most courageous life, myths contain the instructions. They are built right into the story. The sub-conscious mind will pick up on all the details and nuances. You don’t necessarily have to be aware of all that (at least not at the beginning).

In high-level modern myth-telling like Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars, or The Matrix, you start with an awareness of a battle between Light and Darkness. This is a meta-myth. But as you watch or read the story, all the fascinating teachings start to unfold in your awareness: the arrival of the mentor, the dark night of the soul, the ascent, etc. AND as you steep yourself in this more mythical way of seeing the world, the EXACT SAME THING starts to happen to you. YOU see your test and your fear and reluctance. YOU leave the well-troden path to go find the faint trail. YOU experience the dark night of the soul and the arrival of a mentor. The Hero‘s Tale brings you into the action to share with you the transformative power of the myth.

Men need inspiration and clarity, not to mention magic and mystery, to lift them.  It is here on the mythic byways that men can find inner sustenance and food for the Soul.

 

Basecamp for Men E56: Radio Q & A with author Tony Rezac

E56: Radio Q & A with author Tony Rezac

 

E56 Introduction

Welcome to Basecamp for Men and episode 56. I can’t believe my excellent sound editor Chris Rodd and I have already done 56 of these! What a fun creative project this has been.

Last year, I did a Radio program called Life Mastery Radio with Todd Alan and Debby Handrich. I thought you might like the conversation. We talk all about the Hero’s Journey, why we do men’s work, and I even take a couple of good call in questions from listeners. I would like to thank Todd and Debby for having me on their show. It was super fun.

Lastly, if any of you listeners are looking to get into one of my online men’s groups in 2021, reach out to me through my website at www.basecampformen.com. You can sign up for the newletter there. We’ll be putting these together in the fall  and we would love to see you in 2021.

And here’s this weeks episode. Enjoy!