Basecamp for Men E25: Championing Our Youth

Woman triumphant

How do we help our youth thrive in today’s world? I won’t pretend that I know or have the answers. But I‘m more than willing to sit with the question.  And I love to get the perspectives of others as we seek resources and new approaches to growing our young people up. It does truly take a village and, thankfully, our village has collective wisdom.

Basecamp for Men E9: Fatherhood Wide Open

E9: Fatherhood Wide Open with Special Guest Kyle Bradford

 

E9 Introduction

The heartbeat of this episode is AUTHENTICITY and my guest Kyle Bradford certainly embodies this quality. He shoots straight, tells it like it is, and owns his own mistakes and shadow. In short, he exemplifies living “wide open” and Kyle parents in this same style, as you’ll find out in this episode. We talk about gender, traditional values, and difficult discussions with our children.

Authenticity requires the courage to speak your truth. Fake is out. So is political correctness. Being real is what has others love and respect you. Join us in this discussion about living the genuine life and parenting our sons in the digital age.

Kyle Bradford Bio

Kyle Bradford is the writer behind  CHOPPERPAPA.COM, a blog dedicated to observations and discussions about marriage, single parenting, dating, divorce, and manhood.

Here is my interview with Kyle Bradford.

E9 Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed our time with Kyle Bradford. I think he exemplifies having courage in facing yourself and being authentic with your children. Parents often try and hide their wounds from their children and loved ones but I think this is a mistake. When you are authentic and come from the heart, people (including children) will give you space to show up in your humanity. I don‘t know any perfect people. But I do know lots of real people who make mistakes, look honestly at themselves, learn valuable lessons, and then communicate those lessons with heart and humility.

One thing I wanted to mention is the book The Porn Trap by Wendy and Larry Maltz. This is an essential book for anyone that is curious about the impact of pornography on your brain and your life. And for parents of young boys, it‘s an ally in understanding this lurking element that all of our boys will have to deal with. I hope to get Wendy and Larry on soon for more insights on this important topic.

I hope you enjoyed the episode. Thank you for listening to Basecamp for Men. And we’ll see you next week.

 

 

Basecamp for Men E7: How to Raise a Boy

E7: How to Raise a Boy with Special Guest

Dr. Michael Reichert

 

E7 Introduction

We certainly live in perilous times for boys. As restrictive as the man box is for men, the pressures that boys feel to conform and measure up is relentless. Boys experience performative pressures from parents and teachers and pressures to conform to the standards of other boys version of masculinity which often entails a clear pecking order, bullying and ridicule to enforce the pecking order, and no place for kids that are outsiders or slightly different or even if they are introverted, which many boys are.

And school curriculum is not constructed with boys in mind. If it was, you would see a lot more projects that take the boys outside and into the world. And you would see more creative offerings in the curriculum. Has any school ever asked the boys what THEY want to learn or what’s important to THEM? I doubt it.

I am raising a son who is now twelve years old and his mother and I are readying ourselves for the teen years that are upon us with all that entails. I am certainly no expert on raising a boy. Like most parents, my approach has been trial and error, heart on my sleeve as I do my best to track my son’s needs and changes. What is the right amount of support? What is too much? What does he seem ready for? These are the questions that parents constantly have in their minds and hearts and it all comes with a great deal of anxiety. Am I screwing him up?

I once heard a bit of wisdom about children and I don’t remember its source but it has stuck with me. That our children don‘t belong to us. They belong to the world.  Our job as parents and caretakers is to do our best to train them for the world. They have their own destiny and their own song to sing. If we can get our own expectations and our own childhood wounds out of the way and hear our sons and daughters unique song, we can help them find their best path in the world. Maybe that is the best we can do for them.

The whole process takes trust. As parents, I think we need to feel the freedom of not having the stakes so high. Mistakes will be made, feelings will get hurt. I think the best thing I can give my son is belief in him. Not necessarily a belief that he will achieve a certain outcome but belief that he has the resources to follow his heart, to be true to himself.

My guest today is an expert on parenting and the needs of boys in particular.

Dr. Michael Reichert Bio

Dr. Michael Reichert is a psychologist, the founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys and Girls Lives at the University of Pennsylvania, and a clinical practitioner specializing in boys and men who has also conducted extensive research globally.

Visit Dr. Reichart at https://www.michaelcreichert.com/publications

E7 Final Thoughts

I hope you got some valuable insights from our time with Dr. Reichert. I know I certainly did. I highly recommend his book How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men. It’s available at all the usual places. The book has very relevant information and stories in it and Michael is a very good writer. Anyone raising a son will benefit from having it on their book shelf.

I immediately took Michael’s advice with my son. When I was tucking him in last night I said that I would like to make a weekly time with him. One to two hours where we get to do whatever HE wants to do: play Fortnite, go take pictures somewhere, go to the sporting good store or play golf or catch, whatever HE wants to do. His reaction? He beamed at me and said “Really?, that sounds awesome” And then he said, “ I sometimes feel that I don’t get enough one-on-one time with you.” I`m very grateful for Dr. Reichert for suggesting this.

This seems like a great approach to our sons, no matter what their age is. Make time with them, let them lead, and like Dr. Reichert says, delight in their presence and imagination. Go have fun with that all you Dads have a Happy Father’s Day and we’ll see you next week.